


The Power of Prayer

by JWade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 21:29:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8549770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JWade/pseuds/JWade
Summary: Gabriel is stuck in the void after his death and he can feel himself slipping away into nothingness, but a lone voice raised in prayer gives him an anchor and he tries to fight his way back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't much felt like writing lately what with the whole impending end of the world and all, but I ran across a quote by Toni Morrison. "This is precisely the time when artists go to work. There is no time for despair, no place for self-pity, no need for silence, no room for fear. We speak, we write, we do language. That is how civilizations heal." So here I am. Writing. I don't know how good it will be. I don't know if it will make a difference. But it's all I know how to do. I can't let the hate destroy my spirit so I'm going to write.

Gabriel could feel his brother’s blade cutting through his heart. He could feel his grace shattering. He could feel his wings turning to ash as a final scream was pulled from his lips and then there was nothing. He had long known how angels die. They went into the void where they just slipped away into nothingness. Knowing couldn’t have prepared him for the reality though. The black nothingness that surrounded him was oppressive and he had to actually feel his eyes, or the closest approximation he had here, to make sure they were open. There was no way to orient himself, nothing to see by. Nothing anywhere around him. He was just floating in the black space. The cold was cloying and he felt like he would never be warm again. It wasn’t just a physical cold either. It went down to the depths of his being and stole any measure of hope or joy he’d ever felt. The worst though was the silence. It was deafening in its completeness. He couldn’t even hear himself scream. It was as if the nothing had swallowed every drop of sound that entered it. He could feel himself slipping away, losing his hold on even this meagre existence, but then he heard it. It wasn’t an audible sound. Those couldn’t exist here, but it reached directly inside him and it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. A prayer. The only one that could reach him here. 

 

Sam didn’t want to leave Gabriel back at that hotel. He didn’t want to leave him alone to fight Lucifer. Gabriel’s tone and the determined look on his face had made it clear that he wasn’t about to hear any arguments though. Sam wished he had told him how he felt before he left. He wished he’d had the nerve…ever…to tell him. It didn’t matter anymore that he would have been rejected. It didn’t matter that Gabriel deserved far better than the ‘boy with the demon blood’. It didn’t matter that Gabriel would have laughed at him. All that mattered now was the fact that Gabriel had died never knowing that he was loved. 

Sam made it through Gabriel’s dying message and even managed to act well enough to fool his brother into thinking he didn’t care. Or maybe Dean just saw what he wanted to see. He was good at that. They both were if Sam was honest with himself. He made it back to their new hotel without incident and Dean crashed, none the wiser about the turmoil raging through his brother. Sam went to take a shower, away from his brother’s prying eyes and waited until he was under the warm spray of the water before he fell to his knees and the tears streamed down his cheeks as he prayed. 

“Gabriel, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you at Mystery Spot. I’m sorry I let Lucifer out. I’m sorry I got you pulled into all this. I…I’m so so sorry you had to die because of me. I…I’m sorry, Gabriel. I wish things had been different. I wish…I wish ‘I’ had been different. You are…were…the best of the archangels…the best angel, period with the possible exception of Cas, and I got you killed. I…I can never make up for that. I don’t know where angels go when they die, but if you can hear me, please give me a sign. Something so that I know you’re not completely gone. If…If somehow you survived…please…please just come talk to me. Just let me know. I swear I’ll never ask for your help again. I’ll never call you again. Just please…let me know if you’re still here. Still alive…somewhere. I…I’m so sorry, Gabriel,” Sam babbled brokenly as the hot water ran down his back and his knees started to ache from the position he was kneeling in. He never spoke above a whisper, knowing that the words weren’t even needed, but it make him feel better to say them anyway. 

Sam stayed like that, kneeling in the tub, his grief causing his head to fall forward until his forehead was touching the solid bottom of the bathtub as his tears flowed freely and he just kept muttering apologies that he was sure no one was there to hear. He stayed as the water gradually became cooler and by the time he picked himself up and turned it off the water was like ice raining down on him. He got out of the shower with a new determination. He was going to do the job that Gabriel left for him. He would put Lucifer back in the cage. He would succeed. For Gabriel. Failure wasn’t an option. Gabriel hadn’t given his life so they could fail. 

 

Gabriel heard Sam’s prayer. He could hear the anguish in his words and his heart broke for the hunter. It wasn’t Sam’s fault. Gabriel knew that, but it seemed that Sam didn’t. He had to get back. He had to tell Sam that. He needed him to know. He needed him to know a lot of things. He tried to follow the thin thread leading to Sam’s prayer. He had no idea if he was getting anywhere. If it was even possible to get anywhere, but he tried. He couldn’t feel himself slipping away any more. Sam prayer was anchoring him and he had to get to the hunter. “Hold on, Sammy. I’m coming kiddo. Just keep praying,” he said despite the fact that his words were swallowed by the emptiness. Then, as suddenly as it began, it ended and Gabriel was left floundering in the dark again with no idea which way was up and he could feel himself slipping away once more. He spared a brief moment of thought to wonder if he had always been slipping away, but just been distracted from it by Sam’s prayer or if it actually had anchored him for a time. It hardly mattered. He couldn’t exactly expect Sam to sit there and pray constantly for however long it took him to make it back, even if Sam knew that it was helping. Even if it was actually helping and not just giving him a distraction. Either way, it was over now. 

 

Sam slipped into bed quietly so as not to wake his brother, thankfully cried out now. For the moment at least. He hadn’t prayed to Gabriel since he was a child. Long before he knew that angels were actually real. Long before he knew Gabriel. He hadn’t prayed at all even since he’d drank his first willing drop of demon blood. He’d felt that he wasn’t worthy to pray. He was tainted. This was different though. This wasn’t praying to a higher power for assistance or guidance. This was praying to his friend…his dead friend…for his own comfort. He knew that Gabriel was gone. That he couldn’t hear him anymore. He knew that it was pointless to pray to him, but it made him feel connected still. It made him feel whole in a way. “Goodnight, Gabriel,” he whispered a quiet prayer into the night before he drifted off to sleep. 

 

“Goodnight, Sammy,” a silent response tried to pierce the void as Gabriel uselessly tried to struggle against the oppressive nothingness holding him there.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, when Dean was in the shower, Sam took to opportunity to fall to his knees next to his bed and pray again. “Gabriel. I…I just want you to know I’m okay. I’m gonna put Lucifer back in the box. Whatever it takes. I don’t know if you already know this or not, but we already have War and Famine’s rings. We just need Pestilence and Death so we’re halfway there already. We can do this. ‘I’ can do this. I’m gonna put Lucifer back where he belongs. You won’t have died for nothing. I’ll make sure of it. We think we have a lead. There is some kind of outbreak of something. They’re calling it swine flu, but who knows what it really is. The news never gets anything right. It might be a lead on Pestilence. At least we hope it is. With any luck we’ll be one step closer to ending this thing.”

All the important stuff said, he started talking about other things. “I couldn’t help but hope that God would bring you back the way he did Cas after Raphael blew him up. I want to think you would have come to me and told me if he had though. Please do, if that’s the case. If you never want anything else to do with me again, I’ll respect that, but please just let me know if you’re alive.” Sam sighed heavily. “I know this is stupid. I know you’re gone, but I just need to talk to you. To feel like you can hear me even though I know you can’t. I’m so sorry Gabriel. Really. I wish you could know that.” Sam got up abruptly when he heard the shower turn off. The last thing he needed was Dean catching him praying to a dead archangel they were supposed to hate. 

 

Gabriel had no idea how long it was between Sam’s last prayer and this one. Time had no meaning here. There was nothing to measure it by. Not even his own heartbeats existed here. It was like Sam’s prayer had snatched him back from the edge of oblivion and he was grateful for it, even if it extended his suffering here, it gave him hope. Hope that all wasn’t lost. That he could find his way back somehow. As long as Sam kept praying. He was glad that Sam sounded better this time. Not quite as heartbroken. He could hear the determination in Sam’s voice as he talked about finishing the job he had left them. That ‘whatever it takes’ made him nervous and he wished he could be there to talk Sam down from whatever ledge he was thinking of jumping off of. Yes, Gabriel wanted Lucifer locked away again, but not at the expense of Sam. He wished he had made that clear. 

Gabriel hadn’t known that they already had two of the horsemen’s rings and he was glad of it. That meant that it was doable. They had been against horsemen before and bested them. He hated the thought of them going against Pestilence though. He would be worse even than War and Famine. There was no defense against the onslaught of disease he could throw at them. He could only hope that they took Cassie along with them and that the seraph wasn’t too weak to keep them healed. He could do nothing from here to help them. The whole time Sam prayed he was struggling towards him, still not knowing if he was getting anywhere, but what else did he have to do here? 

When Sam mentioned his hope that he would be resurrected, Gabriel scoffed. Like his father would ever lift a finger for him. Not after the life he led. Not after he had abandoned heaven and become a pagan. He couldn’t believe he had cared enough to resurrect Cassie, much less the screw-up runaway. He would have come to Sam if he could have and hearing Sam wish for it was heartwrenching. He was trying. He was trying his best to get back to the hunter. To relieve his guilt. To tell him…everything. Keeping secrets didn’t seem to matter nearly as much once you were dead. When the prayer ended, Gabriel once again lost all sense of direction and just whispered soundlessly into the void. “I can hear you, Sammy. I know. Just don’t stop praying kid.”

 

After a long day of driving and a fruitless hospital visit, Sam begged off going out with Dean that night. He wanted to get some more research done. But first, “Hey Gabriel. So the hospital was a bust. Turns out it really is the swine flu. Dean made us look like idiots talking about zombies and crying statues,” Sam chuckled a bit remembering the look on the doctor’s faces. “There is something here though. There’s enough that doesn’t add up for us to keep digging. We’ll figure it out Gabriel. I promise. You know us. We never give up. I’ll make sure you didn’t die in vain. Don’t worry.”

Now that Sam was sure that Gabriel couldn’t hear him or at least was unable to respond, he felt free to share some other things. “I love you, you know. Of course you don’t know. I always made sure to keep it hidden. Back when you were just a cute, funny, janitor, I fell in love with you. I wanted to ask you out then, but figured I didn’t need the distraction while we were working a job. It turned out that you were the job though and I was lost and confused for a long time after that. I wish I had asked you out. Maybe…maybe we could have worked through the whole monster thing. Maybe you could have felt comfortable enough to tell me what you really were or why you were doing what you were doing. I got it you know. I went back, after I found out what you were, and did some more research. I know what kind of men those were that you killed, and I stopped blaming you for it. I wish…I wish I had the nerve to tell you how I felt when you were alive. You deserve so much more than me and I know that you could never love me, but…you should have known how much you were loved before you died. You should have known that you mattered to someone. To me. I’m sorry I could never tell you.” 

Sam sighed heavily. It felt good to get that off his chest. Just to say it out loud made a big difference. He couldn’t just sit here on his knees all night praying to someone who couldn’t even hear him. “Well I should get to work. See what I can find on how to track Pestilence. I love you, Gabriel. I’ll always love you, and I’ll never forget you.”

 

Gabriel heard Sam start to pray and resumed his struggle. He had no idea how long this would keep up. How long until Sam stopped bothering to pray, assuming no one was getting it anyway. He was afraid he would run out of time. He had been almost gone by the time Sam’s prayer came through this time. He had an answer now about whether Sam was actually anchoring him or not. He was. Every time Sam prayed it pulled him back from the edge of nothingness, but once it was over he could feel himself fading away again. Every prayer though made him stronger. Brought him back just a little more. Gave him a fighting chance and he would be damned if he would give up. 

He listened to Sam talking about their case. About how the swine flu was real but suspicious. Gabriel had an idea of what Pestilence’s plan was. He knew what he would do in his place. He wished he could give Sam a hint. He tried to direct a response back along the prayer channel while it was open, but it didn’t work. He hated hearing Sam talk like Gabriel’s death would be for nothing if he didn’t succeed. Gabriel’s death hadn’t been for nothing. Sam walked out of there, alive and himself. That was all Gabriel had hoped to achieve with his death and it worked. 

When he heard Sam say that he loved him, Gabriel was surprised enough that he froze. He stopped struggling for a minute as he ran the words over in his head a few times. Sam loved him? Gabriel started to struggle even harder and more desperately. He hoped he was actually getting somewhere. He HAD to get back. Sam had to know that he did feel the same way. Sam had to know that he was loved too. That he mattered more than the whole world to Gabriel. Gabriel suddenly hated himself for his tendency to run. When he met Sam and realized the hunter was his soulmate he ran and he kept running. Just popping up at key points to try uselessly to save him. He didn’t want to risk getting too close. He didn’t want to risk losing everything when the end came. He was a fool. He should have told Sam. Maybe he could have kept him safer if he’d kept him closer. He had died for him anyway. Would it have really mattered if he’d gotten a little taste of happiness first? As the prayer ended he whispered a silent, “I love you too, Sammy. Always. Don’t give up on me kiddo. Please.”


	3. Chapter 3

The next night, after Dean idiotically left with Crowley, Sam went to his knees and prayed. “Hey Gabriel. So Crowley showed up tonight. Apparently he thought the colt would work, yadda yadda, and he somehow talked Dean into going with him on some insane mission to nab the demon that manages the horsemen, but of course I’m not invited. I don’t know why. This whole thing is stupid. I thought he would have learned from everything I went through with Ruby not to trust a damn demon, but no. He walks straight into demon central with just Crowley to watch his back. Oh I don’t doubt that Crowley wants Lucifer gone, and I’m sure this will get us one step closer to Pestilence, but I don’t trust him not to sell us out to do it. I keep trying to tell myself that Dean knows that. That he’ll be on his guard, but the fact that I’m not there to watch his back…the fact that he LET me be left behind. I hate it.”

Sam sighed heavily. “No point whining about it though. What’s done is done and if Dean doesn’t come back in one piece there won’t be a hole deep enough for Crowley to hide in. On another note, being one step closer to ending this, I’ve been thinking about how we’re actually going to pull it off. I have an idea and Bobby thinks I’m nuts and I’m sure Dean would think the same, but I think I can do it. I’m going to say yes to Lucifer and then take control long enough to jump in the hole. Bobby doesn’t think it’s possible, but I have a secret weapon he doesn’t know about. You. Failure isn’t an option. My love for you will give me the strength I need to get control. I just need it for a second. Just long enough to jump. I can do this. I WILL do this. For you.” 

Sam ran a hand through his hair. Enough with the maudlin crap. He still had a lot to get off his chest and just saying it out loud helped a lot. “You know, after Mystery Spot, I was filled with hate, but not for you. Never for you. I hated myself. I hated the fact that everything you put me through I still couldn’t help but love you. I still couldn’t fight you, even at the end. As soon as I saw you, I just couldn’t do it. Even if it would bring Dean back. I…I needed to see if you had a heart in there somewhere and you did. You brought him back. You tried to tell me then to let go, but I didn’t listen. I should have. Lucifer would still be locked away. You would still be alive. I wouldn’t be contemplating throwing myself into hell to save the world from my mistakes. I can’t help but wonder if you ever blame yourself for giving up there, so I want to tell you don’t. Don’t blame yourself. It wouldn’t have mattered. You could have kept it up forever and I still never would have heard you. I never would have learned. I was too blind and stubborn. You did the right thing, Gabriel. I get that you had to try and when it didn’t work you let it go. Something that I never could get the hang of, and I’m sorry. I love you, Ga…” Sam cut himself off when he heard the impala speed up to the shack and the doors slam. 

 

Gabriel guessed that it had been about a day since Sam had prayed from the way he said ‘tonight’ and last time it had seemed like the end of the day too by the way Sam had talked, but that was just a guess. For all he knew a month had passed. It certainly felt like a month. He figured it would take far less than a month for him to be lost though. If he was right, it wouldn’t take much more than a day. Once again, he had been almost gone when Sam started to pray. He had just barely been holding on, waiting, hoping for another prayer to pull him back at the last second, and it did. Gabriel growled when Sam started talking about Crowley getting involved. That slimy snake would sell them out in a heartbeat if it proved advantageous. He comforted himself with the fact that Sam knew that and would be on the lookout for any deception. Dean really was an idiot for trusting him enough to go running off alone with him. 

When Sam started talking about his plan to end it, Gabriel started struggling even harder than ever before. “No! Sam! Don’t you dare!” he yelled soundlessly into the void. He didn’t give a shit what kind of ‘secret weapon’ Sam had. Either it worked and Sam was trapped in the cage forever or it didn’t and Sam was stuck with Lucifer inside him. Neither outcome was in any way acceptable to Gabriel and he did something he hadn’t done in thousands of years. He sent up his own desperate prayer to a father who was no longer listening. He was running out of time. He had to get back. He had to get to Sam before he threw himself off the cliff. And to claim he was doing it for Gabriel. No. He couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t want that. He never wanted that. He wasn’t the least bit surprised when no answer came to his prayer. 

He didn’t stop fighting his way back as Sam continued and started talking about Mystery Spot. Gabriel had seen the hate in his eyes, and had reasonably assumed that hate was meant for him. To hear that Sam still loved him, even then, was a hard blow and he once again cursed himself for running. He’d tried to stay as far away as possible after that, unable to bear seeing Sam look at him with that hate in his eyes. Sam was right. He had blamed himself for giving up, but he knew how much it must have cost Sam to admit that he never would have learned, and couldn’t help but believe that. He had thought as much at the time or he never would have given up, but to hear it confirmed was like a weight off his shoulders. To hear Sam tell him that he did the right thing, both by giving up and by trying in the first place was like a breath of fresh air. He had thought that mystery spot would be an obstacle to any attempt at getting close to Sam. To hear that he was so obviously forgiven for it, made his heart soar and he wasn’t sure if he was imagining it or not, but it suddenly seemed easier to move as well. 

When he heard Sam’s prayer cut off abruptly, he was filled with clenching worry, only made the worse because he had nothing to distract himself from it. He had no orientation anymore to work his way back and the silence and blackness surrounding him just seemed to suffocate him all the more. He hoped that it wasn’t a bad sign. That Crowley hadn’t tried something and gotten one or both of the hunters hurt or killed. He had no idea how long it was before Sam was back, but given the fact that he wasn’t too far gone yet, assumed that it had been less than a day. 

 

Dean had passed out as soon as they got back, but Sam was a mess. Like the first time he’d prayed to Gabriel, he took to the shower to do it, falling to his knees on the hard porcelain. “I’m such a mess right now, Gabriel. I…I don’t know which way is up anymore. Turns out the demon that handles the horseman is none other than my old college buddy, Brady. Or should I say was. Turns out he only introduced me to Jessica to get me to fall in love and give me something to lose. He killed her himself. The…the demons have been watching me my whole life. Ev-everything was just…just a…a game to them. Everyone in my life were pawns. Everything I went through engineered to get me here. I…I can’t…can’t even wrap my head around it. I…I killed him Gabriel. Not in self-defense. I had him trapped and cornered, but I…I wanted to be the one to do it. I wanted…I wanted his blood on my hands. I…god I’m such a wreck. How…how could I do that? Just…someone I used to know…used to care about…in cold blood like that…I’m…I’m a monster. I’m as bad as anything we hunt.”

Sam sobbed as he bent over trying to hold himself together. “I don’t have any more doubts about my plan to get Lucifer back in the hole. I can succeed. I WILL succeed and then I’ll be in hell where I belong. I can make my penance for everything. For getting Mom killed, Jess, Ellen, Jo, for all the people I failed to save or led to their deaths. For letting Lucifer out and all the people he’s killed as a result of that. For…for you. This is the right thing Gabriel. I…I’m sure of it now. I love you Gabriel. More than life. Far more than I ever deserve to love anyone, much less something as pure as an archangel. I’m so sorry it had to come to this. I’m sorry, Gabriel. I love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

Gabriel nearly cried with relief when he heard from Sam again. Would have actually if such a thing were possible here. And the tears wouldn’t have stopped either as Gabriel could hear Sam’s guilt tearing him apart. Even if he were there he would have had no idea how to make the hunter feel better. He could point out that he’d killed a demon. That Sam’s friend had been dead for a long time, but he knew that Sam knew that. That wasn’t the issue. It was the fact that Sam was able to look at his friends face, whether he was actually in there or not, and kill him. When he heard Sam refer to himself as a monster, Gabriel wanted nothing more than to slap some sense into him. Literally if he had to, and hearing the list of things that he wanted to pay penance for in hell was even worse and he hated…oh how he hated…the fact that he was on that list. He hadn’t thrown away his life for Sam, just so that the hunter could go and throw it all away. Not for him, not for the world, not for anyone. Maybe Gabriel was selfish, but he would rather see the world burn than Sam end up in hell or worse, Lucifer. He hated that he couldn’t tell Sam all this. That Sam would never know if he didn’t get back in time, if he could get back at all. “I’m coming, Sammy. Don’t give up. Please. I’m coming.”

 

Sam continued praying to Gabriel every day. Sometimes twice a day. Whenever he could get a free moment, which was about to become in short supply now that Dean found out about Sam’s hail mary plan. Still, he managed it. It had become a comforting routine. To just talk to Gabriel about his day, tell him how he loved him, relive their past encounters. It calmed him. Gave him something to work towards. It didn’t matter that Gabriel was gone. He still felt connected to him through the prayers and he had a feeling he would need that to overcome Lucifer. He would need to keep that connection, that love, that grief even to take control for even the second that he needed to end this. 

It was another week before he had any real news to share though. “Hey Gabriel. So we heard from Cas today. Turns out he’s not as gone as we feared. He’s human now though. Lost the last of his grace. He’s in a hospital somewhere. We’re working on getting him a bus out here, but that’s great news right? We got Cas back. I know Dean in particular was wearing circles in the floor from worry and at least he’ll have someone else to hold onto when I’m gone and hopefully keep him from doing anything stupid, like try to bring me back. Speaking of, I told Dean about my plan today too. He blew a fuse like I knew he would. I agreed to go with the consensus to buy some time, and if they do somehow find another way, I’ll take it. For them. But I don’t think they will. I don’t think there is another way. This is it, Gabriel. Our only shot, and I’m not going to be a coward and not take it. I started this. It’s my responsibility to end it.”

Sam, as had become habit, then turned to something lighter. A happier confession to end the prayer with. “I was thinking about that time at that hotel, when you burst into the room full of angry pagan gods like you owned the place and it took everything I had not to kiss you. Especially when I found out you wanted to break us out. When you went off to seduce Kali I wanted to kill her. Not because she was a monster. Not because she wanted to kill us or use us as bait. But because she was going to have everything I wanted. Because she would have her hands on you, kissing you. I know it’s stupid. I have no claim over you. Never did. But that’s how I felt. I wanted to be the one you seduced and I definitely would have let you. Might have made you work for it a little first though,” he added with a chuckle. “God, Gabriel. I love you so much. I wish…I wish things had been different. I…I almost wish you really were the monster we once thought you were. Maybe then I could actually come close to deserving someone like you. I wish I weren’t so tainted and ruined. Maybe…maybe being an insignificant human could be overlooked. Even if you never loved me. Even if I was just a toy, a passing fling for you in your long life, I could live with that. As long as I got to have you. In some way. But there’s no point wishing for things we can’t have. I AM tainted. I AM ruined. Nothing could overcome that, even if you had survived. I just…I love you Gabriel.”

 

Gabriel smiled sadly when he heard Sam talking about how Cassie was back, but human now. He was glad the kid survived. He was a good one. One of the only good ones really. At least Cassie could live out his life as a human…assuming any of them survived this. Gabriel growled when Sam started talking about telling Dean his plan. The more people he told the more likely that he would go through with it. He knew as well as anyone how stubborn Sam could be once he had his mind set on something and had no hope that anyone could talk him out of it. He had no illusions that they would actually think of a better plan. Hell even Gabriel couldn’t think of a better plan; not with the resources they had; and all he had to do here was think. If he had known this would be the outcome, he never would have given them the dvd. He never would have told them about the cage. He would have taken that information to his grave and hoped Sam kept on saying no until Michael got sick of waiting and went after Lucifer in their backup vessels. Sure half or more of the world would burn and Sam would probably die anyway, but at least that way he would be in heaven. Free and content for all eternity. 

He was glad of Sam’s way of ending the prayers on a lighter, happier note. Not that it was particularly happy per se. There wasn’t much to be happy about, really, but it was close. Gabriel couldn’t help but chuckle as he talked about how jealous he was of Kali and how he wished Gabriel would have seduced him. He even laughed a little when Sam said he’d make him work for it though. God he hoped he would get a chance to take the hunter up on that. He would work forever for it if that’s what it took. His heart broke as he heard Sam go on about how he didn’t deserve Gabriel. How he was tainted and he just wanted to shake him. To make him believe that it was the other way around. It was Gabriel who didn’t deserve someone so pure as Sam. To tell Sam that he wasn’t tainted. Just the opposite. To tell Sam that he could never just be a toy or a passing fling to Gabriel. That he was everything. “I love you, Sammy. I’m coming. Just hold on a little longer. Just keep praying, sweetheart. I’m coming.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Hey Gabriel. So we got a lead on Pestilence. We’re going after him tomorrow. He’s apparently holed up at some old folks home, so hopefully tomorrow we’re one step closer to ending this mess. Cas seemed pretty nervous about it when we spoke on the phone. He’s not gonna be here in time and even if he were, he’s human now. He can’t heal us and he wouldn’t be any more immune than we are from Pestilence’s powers and we don’t have another angelic healer to pull out of our pockets so we don’t really have a choice. With any luck, Pestilence’s powers work like the others and his spells, along with whatever he’s infected us with, will end once we remove his ring.”

“On a lighter note, I was out shopping today and I saw someone that reminded me of you. At least at first. He had that same sandy gold hair that you do and he was a short little pipsqueak too. I felt like an idiot standing there watching him, just wishing and hoping that it was you, but then he turned around and he looked nothing like you. I miss you, Gabriel. I miss the way your beautiful golden eyes would light up with mischief. I miss the way you smirked, like you were always just one step away from laughter. I miss your laugh, even when it was cruel and at someone else’s expense it still had this ethereal quality about it. Sometimes…god I’m so glad you can’t hear this,” Sam said with a chuckle. “Sometimes when I lay in bed at night, I think of you. I imagine you lying there with me, what your arms would feel like around me, the sound of your voice and your laughter. I just…I love you, Gabriel and I miss you. So much.”

 

Gabriel oriented himself to the prayer and began working his way towards it through the darkness. He still didn’t know if it was doing any good. If he was actually going anywhere or just flailing in place, but he wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t give up. Sam needed him. Sam loved him. He actually had a chance at everything he’d ever dreamed of if he could just get there and he couldn’t give up. Not now. If he was going to go down, he was going to go down fighting. He listened to Sam talking about how they were going after Pestilence. He was just as nervous as Cas seemed to be. More so even. He wished he was there. He would help them. He would die for Sam again if he had to. He would do whatever it took. He could make sure they weren’t hurt. If he could just get there in time. 

Gabriel was flooded with warmth as Sam talked about him. About missing him. He missed Sam too. More than he could ever have imagined. He lived for these moments, when Sam would talk to him. Well not LIVED exactly because he wasn’t technically alive, but hearing Sam’s voice…that didn’t matter. It gave him hope, gave him a goal to work towards, and made him feel loved again. Truly loved for the first time since he left heaven. He couldn’t help but laugh when Sam said he was glad Gabriel couldn’t hear him and wondered if he was about to hear something juicy, especially when Sam started talking about being in bed. What he heard instead though was far better than any juicy gossip and he wanted so badly to be in bed with Sam, just wrapped up together, talking and laughing. When the prayer ended and he had lost all sense of direction again, that image stayed with him. Held him over until the next prayer. 

 

“Hey Gabriel. So we got Pestilence. Cas showed up at the last second and saved our bacon. We’re just lying there in our own vomit and blood, without even the strength to get up and Cas strolls in, he doesn’t look so good either, but he apparently got just enough of his mojo back to fight through it and took of half the guys hand to get the rings. It was pretty badass. Unfortunately, we’ve got another problem now. Turns out Crowley’s sticking around still trying to ‘help’ and somehow talked Bobby into selling his soul. A loan they’re calling it. Crowley swears he’ll give it back. Like any of us are supposed to believe that. Supposedly,” he dripped the word with sarcasm, “Crowley needed a deal to be able to track Death, but we have a location on him now. We’re headed out first thing in the morning. I just feel like I’m caught in a whirlwind here. Tomorrow. We could be ready to do this thing tomorrow. I can admit to you, and only because you’re not really here so I guess I’m just admitting it to myself, I’m terrified. I’m terrified of failing and I’m terrified of succeeding. I don’t know which is worse. Letting Lucifer walk around in my skin or being locked in the cage with him. It’s what I have to do though. I can’t let this go on any longer. I just…I hope I’m strong enough. No…I have to be strong enough. The world is depending on me. You’re depending on me. I can’t afford to start doubting myself now. Tomorrow we go get Death and then we lock Lucifer back in the cage.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair. “In case I haven’t said it enough, I’m sorry Gabriel. I’m so so sorry. You should be here for this. You should get to see the death blow. You should see the end of the apocalypse. You, more than anyone else, deserve to be here for the end, and it’s my fault you’re not. The only regret I have about dying is that I know in hell I’ll never see you again. Maybe…maybe in heaven there might have been a chance. We all know I was never gonna get into heaven though. Riding the devil down the hole or not. That…that makes this easier you know. I’m gonna end up in hell eventually. This way I get to do it saving the world. I’m getting ahead of myself now though. First we have to get Death and something tells me he’s not going to be nearly as easy to take out as the others.”

“I was thinking about tv land. How you told us that we would say yes. There was no way around it. I wonder if you ever had any idea that it would be like this. I still find it ironic that we went to you for help to stop it and you were just there to try and make us start it. I get why you did it though, Gabriel, and I don’t hold it against you. You were sick of your family fighting and you just wanted it to end. One way or another. The fact that you were able to get the information about the rings and the cage says that you never stopped looking for another way though…or our conversation spurred you into looking. Either way, you came through in the end, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I just…I wish it hadn’t been the end for you. When we realized that you were there, I couldn’t help but hope…well that you would help us stop it and then you and I could ride off into the sunset together like some cheesy romance novel. Then I found out what you were and I knew I could never touch an archangel. I could never taint you like that. No matter how much it killed me to walk away, and it did kill me to walk away from you that night, Gabriel. I don’t have words. That was when the last of my hopes for a happy future died. Even if I weren’t hellbound soon, I could never find anyone that I could love even a fraction of how I love you, Gabriel. My hell is here on earth just as surely as it’s in the pit, because the one thing that could give my life meaning is forever out of my reach. Goodnight, Gabriel. I love you forever.”

 

Gabriel, once again, oriented himself towards the prayer and started moving in that direction as he listened with bated breath to every word from his hunter’s mouth. He was joyously happy that they had all survived Pestilence and got his ring. He cursed at the old man for being so stupid as to sell…or ‘loan’…his soul to that slimy snake. He’d been in the game long enough he should have known better. When Sam started talking about being nearly ready to take the plunge Gabriel closed his eyes, uselessly of course since everything was black anyway, and sent up another prayer to a father that wasn’t listening before saying. “Just hold on a little longer, Samshine. I’m coming. Don’t go yet.” Sam actually thought he was going to hell anyway? The idiot. Gabriel had never seen a brighter soul. Damaged yes, after everything he’d been through it would have to be, but just as bright and pure as the righteous man’s and even more beautiful. 

When Sam started talking about TV land, Gabriel was torn between sadness and warmth. No. He had no idea that Sam would be saying yes like this. He’d never wanted him to say yes anyway. That whole thing wasn’t about them saying yes. It was about keeping them trapped in another dimension out of Michael and Lucifer’s reach. When they caught him in the holy fire, it was his despair that had him telling them there was no other way. He had been looking. He’d been looking since he met Sam at that college, but he wasn’t any closer and he knew he had been running out of time. That was why he tried to trap them. To buy time, but they wouldn’t have it. When Sam mentioned them riding off into the sunset together he chuckled a little and had a whole new beautiful image to hold onto while waiting for Sam’s next prayer and please father let there be a next prayer. Don’t let this be goodbye. 

Sam had to know how much it killed Gabriel to see him walk away that night too. How much it always killed Gabriel every time he walked away. Except the last. Ironically, that was the one that hurt the least, because Sam was walking away to safety. He had felt his own hope die every time too, but it wasn’t dead. Well…not if he could manage to come back. They could have that happy future, if Gabriel had to tear down all of heaven and hell to achieve it. There was nothing he wouldn’t do to have a future with Sam. He would destroy any thoughts that insufferable hunter had about not being worthy or being tainted and make sure he always knew just how much he was loved. If he could make it back, he would spend the rest of eternity making sure Sam never had a single reason to doubt himself ever again.


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, Gabriel. So today was a clusterfuck of massive proportions. We were about to go after Death when we found out what Pestilence’s big plan was. He was spreading swine flu and putting Croatoan in the vaccine and it was set to go out today. We could let that happen, but we couldn’t risk losing Death either so we had to split up. I know, that always works SO well, but we didn’t have a choice. Dean and Crowley went after Death while Bobby and I hit the warehouse the vaccine was in. Turned out there were actual innocents there though so we had to pull them out before we could blow the place avoiding the zombies and demons all the while. We managed it…somehow…so the Croatoan threat is over at least. And Dean managed to get Death’s ring. Not by force either. Apparently, he talked him out of it. Who knew Dean could actually be diplomatic?”

“On the plus side, Death laid out a condition. Dean had to let me carry out my plan to put Lucifer back in the box, so tomorrow we head to Detroit where rumor has it, Lucifer is holed up. I have to drink demon blood again, Gabriel, and that scares me almost as much as everything else. I never wanted to touch the stuff again. I suppose it’s a little silly to be scared of that when I’m on my way to hell to be bunk buddies with the devil himself, but I can’t help it. After everything that demon blood has done to me, I’m scared. I have to drink gallons of the stuff even.”

“I don’t have too long to chat tonight. Dean is insisting on some family time before I’m gone forever tomorrow, but I guess that’s understandable. I just…didn’t want to go without saying goodbye to you too, as ridiculous as that sounds since you can’t actually hear me and have no idea that I’m doing it at all. I just…I’ll always love you Gabriel, and I’ll always miss you. Goodbye.”

 

“Sam NOOO!” Gabriel cried soundlessly as the prayer cut off. He didn’t know if it was wishful thinking brought on by desperation or some sort of instinct, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was close. Nothing had changed of course. He was still surrounded by nothing but silent, black, nothing. Not even a speck of light, telling him that it was probably just wishful thinking, but to know that it was over…that his last hope was gone…he couldn’t live with that. “Please, baby. Please just keep praying. Just a little longer. C’mon Sammy. I’m so close. Just keep praying, kiddo. Please,” he begged. 

 

Sam, as requested quite reasonably by his brother and surrogate father, spent the rest of the night with them watching movies, and eating popcorn, and just having fun. Taking the night to forget about the doom coming tomorrow. Sam didn’t particularly want to be exhausted when he fought for control of his body from Lucifer. He didn’t think it would help him much, but Dean promised to let him sleep on the way to Detroit. He just wanted this night and Sam was really the only one that needed to be rested for this so he would be fine driving straight through and if he needed a nap, Bobby could take over. The only other person he ever trusted to drive his baby, and like Sam, it was only reluctantly. 

Once the sun came up, they piled out to the Impala, and Sam stretched out in the back seat and was snoring before they even got off Bobby’s street. He had managed to get Dean to agree not to try and bring him back. To go to Lisa and live his apple pie life. Sam woke up a few hours out to find Bobby driving and Dean snoring in the passenger seat. “You sleep?” Sam asked. 

“’Course,” Bobby said gruffly. Sam nodded and sat back letting the feel of the car lull him into relaxation. At least as relaxed as he could get. Thankfully Bobby wasn’t much for small talk, because Sam didn’t think he had that in him. The closer it got the tighter his nerves were wound. Dean woke up as they were pulling up a few blocks away from where they thought demon central was. They would walk from here. Cas had met them there and procured enough demon blood for him to take in Lucifer and they said quick goodbyes, but Sam made them all move away so they wouldn’t see him drink the demon blood. Doing it was bad enough. He didn’t want an audience. He didn’t want them to see him like that. Once he was done, he made sure to wipe every trace of the blood from his face and swished his saliva in his mouth to clean it from his teeth before he stepped out from behind the car. 

Sam wanted to go in alone. He didn’t trust what Lucifer would do to Dean, but his brother wouldn’t hear any arguments. He said that he’d agreed to let Sam do it, but he’d be damned if Sam was going to do it alone. Sam fought off the hopelessness that started to creep in when he found out Lucifer knew their plan. It didn’t matter though. It didn’t change anything. It still had to be done. He negotiated for Dean’s safe passage out of here and then gave Lucifer the big yes. He staggered under Lucifer’s weight as the archangel poured into him, but he had control. Dean threw the rings and opened the portal to the cage and Sam started to stumble towards it, but he hadn’t been able to hold on long enough. Lucifer took control back before he got there. Sam remembered what Bobby said about not giving an inch and didn’t let it go at that though. He kept battering against Lucifer’s defenses, not even taking a moment to feel sorry for himself after his first attempt failed. 

Lucifer took some time to taunt him with the people in his life who had been demons. Watching him and guiding him his whole life, from babysitters to schoolteachers to friends. Everyone that kept him in control was gathered into one room. Lucifer gave him enough control to be the one to end them and he did it. Not so much for the bloodlust, though he was angry, but because he hoped it would give him a foothold. Somewhere to start gaining control back. It started to work for a moment and Lucifer apparently realized that because the next thing he knew he was shoved into the back of his own mind. He kept going though. He used every ounce of strength he had. He drew on his love for Dean and Bobby and Cas and Gabriel. His love of the world as a whole. He had no idea how much time had passed, but he finally got through. 

He got control only to see Dean battered and beaten against the side of the Impala in some old graveyard. “It’s okay Dean. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got him,” Sam said reassuringly before pulling out the rings and throwing them at the ground, chanting, trying to get this done before Lucifer got control back again. He could feel him in his head, battering against Sam’s barriers just as Sam had his and Sam had no illusions of being able to hold him off for long. As Sam started to fall backwards into the hole, grabbing his other brother’s arm and pulling him and Michael along with them, he sent up one last prayer. “I love you, Gabriel. I’m sorry. Goodbye,” he whispered as he fell. 

 

Gabriel heard the last words and with one final push he found himself falling to earth, leaving a crater in the ground where he landed, scrambling up just in time to see the hole in the ground closing. He scrambled over, just missing it, and fell to his knees, “SAM NOOO!” he cried out, hearing his own voice for the first time in he had no idea how long. His eyes hadn’t even adjusted to the light yet before there were tears streaming from them. He didn’t even realize that anyone else was there until he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Brother? You are…alive?” Cas asked in awe. 

Gabriel just nodded his head as he leaned forward pressing his head against the now whole ground as he sobbed.


	7. Chapter 7

“Gabriel!” Dean exclaimed. “Where the hell have you been?!” 

Gabriel jumped up and spun around, angrily wiping the tears from his face. “I’ve been dead, you asshole. I was powerless to stop any of this. You weren’t though! What the hell were you thinking letting your brother jump in that hole?!” 

“I…I had no choice,” Dean said defensively with more than a little regret. “Can you…get him out?” he asked hopefully. 

“You mean, as an archangel can I dive into the cage designed to trap archangel’s and haul him out? No. Obviously not you moron. How could you let him do this?”

“Death said I had to…”

“Oh Death and I will be having words about this. Give me his ring. I’ll fix this if it’s the last thing I do,” Gabriel said heatedly. 

“I don’t know…” Dean hesitated. 

“I said…Give. Me. His. Ring,” Gabriel said dangerously and Dean was reminded about just how powerful archangels were and getting on the bad side of one…well, another one…wasn’t really on his to-do list today. Especially since this one actually seemed to be on their side. At least for the moment. He nervously handed over the ring only for Gabriel to disappear without another word. 

 

Gabriel appeared in an upscale pizzeria who knew where and he didn’t really care. All his attention was on the skeleton-like being sitting in the back corner with a large deep dish. He stormed over and slammed his hands on the table. “Bring him back,” he ordered. 

“Manners, Gabriel,” Death admonished amusedly. “I see you have returned. I admit to curiosity about how you managed such a feat. I am not so easily escaped.”

Gabriel gave a cruel smirk. He knew that Death’s curiosity was his greatest weakness. “Bring him back and I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

Death narrowed his eyes at Gabriel and said, “And just why should I do that?” 

“Because it’s your fault he’s down there. You made his brother make that stupid deal…”

“On the contrary. The young Winchester would have done so regardless of whatever deal I made with the brother. He should be thanking me for making the remainder of his life argument free.”

Gabriel growled in anger, so far gone that the table crumbled under his hands. “Then do it because he saved your miserable existence from being on my brother’s leash for the rest of eternity.”

“A ‘leash’ I would never have had if it hadn’t been for him releasing Lucifer in the first place. I merely allowed him the means to clean up his own mess,” Death bantered cheerfully, not at all concerned with the archangel quickly losing his hold on his temper. 

“You knew he would do it!” Gabriel roared. “We all did! It was his destiny!” The wind whipped around the restaurant causing all the other guests and staff to make a run for it as the power rolled off of Gabriel. “He rewrote that destiny! He alone! He had the strength to take on Lucifer and WIN! And now you’re just gonna leave him down there to rot while you enjoy your newfound freedom that you never should have had!?”

Death’s lips twitched into a smile. “I never said I wouldn’t do it. I simply asked for a reason.” Gabriel screamed in frustration, blowing out every window, light bulb, mirror and anything else glass within a whole city block. “Are you quite done with your little temper tantrum?” Death asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Are you done with your idiotic games?” Gabriel snarled. 

“I will bring him back…on a few conditions…” Death told him. 

“What conditions?” Gabriel asked through grit teeth. 

“First, you take over my position for the time it takes to retrieve him. Retrieving his soul will be rather simple for a being of my means, but his body may take some time…”

“Done…what else,” Gabriel said quickly. 

“Second, you must repair any damage to his soul on your own. I will not help with that,” Death told him. 

“No problem.”

“Third, you must tell me the story of how you escaped my clutches,” Death said curiously. 

“Now or after he’s back?” Gabriel asked. 

“Now if you please. You are a trickster after all and you know I’m a being of my word,” Death said evenly. 

“Fine. It was Sam. He…he’s my soulmate and his prayers were able to reach me in the void. He prayed to me all the time. I don’t know how often. I’m sure you know time is impossible to measure there, but his prayers kept me anchored, gave me a direction to follow. As long as he was praying I was heading towards him. I managed to break through at his final prayer as he fell into the cage.”

“Fascinating. There has never been a case of an angelic and human soulmate knowing each other before. I had not realized it was possible. I shall have to keep that in mind in the future. Thank you for your story. Now I will go retrieve your beloved and I believe you have some work to do,” Death waved a hand and his ring came out of Gabriel’s pocket and hovered in front of the archangel until Gabriel took it and slid it on, immediately being pulled to the site of a rather grisly death and he set to work. He was no stranger to death, and had no compunctions about carrying out the job. It was part of the natural order and he, more than most, knew what kind of consequences came from interfering with the natural order. That didn’t mean that some of them didn’t break his heart, but he knew what he had to do and carried it out with grace and dignity, only getting snarky with the worst of them. 

It was nearly a week before Death was once again standing before him with a large old-fashioned medical bag. “His body was left at the same place it went in. Here is his soul. Do with it what you will,” Death said handing Gabriel the bag at the same time Gabriel handed him his ring. 

Gabriel clutched the bag to him like it held the most precious treasure on earth, because it did. He gave Death a grateful nod and disappeared, flying with all haste back to the cemetery, taking care not to jostle his precious cargo along the way. Once he arrived, he pulled Sam’s soul out of the bag, wincing at the damage that Lucifer had managed to inflict in such a short time. There was a reason that his brother was the master of torture. Gabriel unwound Sam’s soul, healing all the portions he could reach and stitching it back together with loving care. He sat hunched over Sam’s body for days, not moving, and not even realizing that they were out in the open and he probably would have made quite the sight for anyone happening by. Thankfully, the old boneyard was deserted…had been for a very long time…so he had plenty of privacy for his continued repair job. 

Finally, he was finished. There were still some rough spots, but he had repaired everything he could. Everything else would take time to heal on its own. He gently eased the soul back into Sam’s pristine body, and sat back on his heels with bated breath as he waited for the hunter to waken. Gabriel could see Sam’s breathing start to speed up before his eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly. He blinked a few times and looked around. “G-Gabriel?” he asked in awe. 

That was the end of Gabriel’s patience. He surged forward and kissed Sam like his life depended on it, melting into it as Sam kissed him back. At least for a minute. Then he pulled back looking confused and a little despondent. “Don’t, Sam,” Gabriel said putting a hand on the hunter’s cheek. “You are worthy of me. Don’t ever doubt that. In fact, you deserve far better than a broken cowardly archangel, but I love you, Sam. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you. If I’d ever known…I never even dared to dream that you could feel the same way. Throw away all those thoughts about being tainted. You’re not. Far from it. Just forget about it and let’s ride off into that sunset together, Sammy.”

“G-Gabriel…you…you heard…” Sam tried to wrap his head around what was going on and he couldn’t help the embarrassment that pooled the heat in his cheeks as he thought about all his rambling prayers to Gabriel, quickly followed by resentment and hurt that Gabriel had never answered. “You never came…” he said accusingly. 

“I was trying, Sammy. I swear, I was trying my hardest. I was…I was dead, Sam. Your prayers…they were like a beacon. They were my anchor. They kept me from slipping away into oblivion. Every time you prayed I followed as fast as I could. I’m so sorry I was too late, Samshine,” Gabriel said sadly, caressing the hunter’s cheek and using his thumb to wipe away the single tear that fell. 

“I…I fell…in-into the pit,” Sam said as his memories came rushing back. 

“That last prayer you gave was enough for me to break through. I was too late to pull you out, but I made a deal with Death…”

“Gabriel NO!” 

“Not that kind of deal. Don’t worry. I have no intention of dying on you ever again, Sammy. I promise.” Sam visibly deflated with relief. “It was nothing too onerous. He rather owed you a debt from freeing him from Luci’s leash, after all.”

“What…um…what did you have to do?” Sam asked trying to stall for time while he got his bearings and let everything sink in. 

“I had to take over his job for the week it took him to get you out, mend your soul myself, and tell him the story of how I managed to escape his clutches. It doesn’t happen very often as I’m sure you can imagine,” Gabriel said with a laugh. 

“Why me?” Sam asked the question that came to mind. “I mean, you must get thousands of prayers. What was so special about mine?” 

“Yours were the only ones that could reach me in the void, Sammy. Only a true soulmate can cross the realm of death,” Gabriel said softly. 

“S-soulmate?” Sam stammered. “But…but my soul…its…”

“The brightest, purest, most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen. Even tortured and mangled as it was before I repaired it from your time in the cage it was beautiful,” Gabriel assured him, leaning forward to rest his forehead against Sam’s. He would wait for Sam to make the next move, despite how badly he wanted to sink into the hunter’s arms. 

“But the demon blood…I was…Lucifer’s vessel…I’m…”

“You overcame everything that life threw at you and became this amazing person in spite of it. You rewrote destiny, Samshine. Nothing could tarnish a soul so strong. Trust me. I can see all of it. I held it in my hands and put it back together piece by piece. Your soul is perfect, Samshine, and so are you.” Sam stayed still for a long moment as he turned that over in his head. Gabriel was losing his patience again. “Will you please just kiss me already?” he whined impatiently and Sam couldn’t help but let out a barking laugh as he did as he was told. 

“I love you, Gabriel,” Sam whispered as they broke for air. 

“And I love you my sweet Samshine. Forever.”


End file.
